Good Morning!

Morning everyone!

So today is my 57th birthday, my first without Mum. I had my usual morning coffee sitting on the steps outside overlooking the beautiful mountains and watching the sun come up, having my chat with Mum.

And do you know what?! I feel absolutely fine!! Yes some sadness still lingers but overall I think I am dealing with everything quite well and I am sure that Mum is smiling down on me.

Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, we are dealing with it, he is 80 now and the doctor was very straight forward with me and said that he will never live to have the very worst of this dreadful disease so we will just cope as we always do….together.

Jess is doing really well at school and with archery. She is never satisfied with any of her marks or scores and strives to do better each time. What more can I ask for, I am so proud of my beautiful daughter.

So, I am off to do the usual chores and make myself some coffee, I think a biscuit might be in order today!

Have a good one, love always

xxxx

 

Hello world

Good morning all,

Thanks for all the support with my health issues, feeling really good and the pills seem to be definitely working! Yay!

Jess on the other  hand is a very sore girl at the moment. On Monday afternoon as school was coming out, she was pushed accidentally down a flight of stairs.

She arrived at the car with blood streaming down her legs and in tears, it must have been bad as she is not a crier!

Over the last couple of days the bruises and marks have been making an appearance and she has a sprained ankle and badly bruised shoulder and upper arm. Her thumb must have got bent backwards as the muscles of her right hand are very sore to the point that she cannot write very well.

I phoned the school and spoke to the receptionist, the lady that deals with discipline was in a meeting so I couldn’t talk to her directly. I simply asked that the discipline in the hallways and on the stairs be gone over again with the students. We are not placing the blame on anyone but the pushing and shoving that goes on is terrible. What has happened to the keep left rule I don’t know.

This could have been so much worse, she could have broken her neck, the stairs are cement and there were about 12 of them. She landed in a heap at the bottom and the boy that had pushed her simply walked on. Jess’s English teacher was coming down some way behind her so she saw the results of the incident but not what had happened. She was horrified and was going to speak to the discipline teacher as well.

I do hope they get something sorted out, if Jess did not have the natural padding she has, I think she would have broken her right leg if not both.

So she has gone to school with a strapped ankle and a slipper, using a crutch to help her on the stairs and with cuts, scrapes and bruises all down her legs.

Moving on…….

Sunday will be 6 months since Mum left us. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone, not expecting to have a very happy weekend as Dad really goes down when it gets to the anniversary date each month and this one will the worst yet I think.

We are clearing a patch of garden where Mum’s rose bush grows to make a memorial garden. Jess really wants to do something that we can see every day as she does not like going down to the grave. So we will fill it with lovely plants and flowers and get some solar lights shaped like butterflies and flowers and then we will have somewhere to chat with Mum whenever we want to. (I chat to her everyday when I am busy with things in the house, but Jess needs this.)

Enjoy the rest of your week and have a great weekend.

We will be busy with an art project, building a shoe! Will tell you about it in my next post.

Love always

xxxx

Sorting myself out

Hi everyone!

Well for the last week or so I have not been feeling very good. At first I put it down to stress, emotional upheaval, etc, etc, but after nearly a week without any change and knowing that I have two people to look after now I decided to make an appointment with the doctor for a check up.

I went this morning and the result is that I have high blood pressure, 170/100!! Apparently not dangerous at this stage and there will be further tests for all the usual things but I am on a tablet a day from now on and we will re-assess in a month.

This is not unexpected as it is a recurring theme in my Mum’s side of the family and my eldest brother has been on medication for a couple of years already.

As my Dad and my Auntie Paul, Mum’s sister, have arterial fibrillation I will be having an ECG when I go with the results of the blood work in a month. The doctor wants to have a base line for us to work from so that we can spot deterioration if and when it happens.

So I am taking care of myself and will follow the Doc’s instructions and hopefully will feel loads better in a week or so!!

It is Dad’s birthday on Friday, he will be 80!! The man is still working an almost full day in his office and is quite fit and healthy. If only I could take some of his sadness away. Understandably he does not want to do anything on his birthday except go out for dinner with Jess and I.

Well, that’s all for now.

Love always

xxxx

The latest news!

Good morning everyone!

I know that I have not been around but the last few months have been hectic to say the least.

Mum’s funeral went off as she had wanted, I found a list of everything on the dining room table after she had passed away and other than the “plain pine box” that she had stipulated, Dad’s comment on seeing it at the undertakers was “there is no way in hell that your Mum is going to lie in one of those!”, all her instructions were followed.

Mum was cremated and had wanted her ashes just scattered anywhere but Dad needs somewhere to go and “visit” her so we opted for an ash grave in The Durbanville Memorial Park. The minister who had conducted her service came out and consecrated the ash grave for us and did a reading and prayer as we laid her ashes to rest. Dad has stipulated that he wants his ashes to be mixed with Mum’s and for them to be laid in the same ash grave together. The very kind lady in the reception has assured me that when the time comes they will do the mixing for me!! Thank goodness, not a job that I fancy doing.

Jess and I moved in with Dad on 5th December and we are now mostly settled in. There have been alot of “firsts” since Mum left us. 15th Dec was their Wedding Anniversary, 58 years. Then Christmas and New Year and then Mum’s birthday on 19th January. Very sad times for Dad and difficult for Jess and I too.

Jess is now in Grade 10 and loving it! She has a very big workload from now until the end of her school career as she has chosen subjects that she needs for her future studies, Interior Design. She now has English, Afrikaans, Maths Lit., Life Orientation, Art, Consumer Studies and Design. She is very focused and intends doing well, this is where I have had to let her do her own decision making and just be here for support! Oh boy these teen years are not easy!

I am ok, physically fit and just about managing to get into a routine at last. I just feel pulled in so many directions at the moment and feel as if there is not much left over for me.
I did put myself on the list for a haircut every month at the hairdresser, a big achievement for me as Jess had been cutting my hair for me, and doing a good job too but she really didn’t enjoy doing it for me and so I made the decision to go to the hairdresser. Love the hour to myself when I go and she does a good job.

Jess went just before Christmas and had a Brazilian Blow Wave. It was expensive and took 3 hours but she is so thrilled with the result. She has the most enormous head of hair and it is too “poofy” for her to leave loose all the time and tying up for school was becoming a mission that I ended up having to help her with every morning! Much tamer now and in great condition so a win all around.

Jess and I are doing archery now together. Dad and Jess bought me a recurve bow for Christmas, for which I am so very grateful.
It is a very challenging bow to shoot with but I am loving the challenge and am determined not to let it get the better of me.
Jess is having great success with her shooting and now takes part in competitions in the Schools League.

I have to just say in closing that whilst I miss my Mum with every fibre of my being, I am so very grateful that she did not have to suffer for any length of time. I talk to her every day and I just hope that she is approving of everything that I am doing here.

Hopefully it won’t be so long before my next post and maybe I can find one or two photos to share with you all.

Blessings and love
xxxx

Sad

Hi everyone,

Things deteriorated quickly with Mum despite all our efforts.

On Monday morning I called the doctor for the second time and asked him to organise a bed for Mum in the hospital as she had agreed that she needed to go in.

I then phoned the ambulance as Mum could no longer walk and they came quickly and sorted her out with oxygen. They were wonderful and got Mum to the hospital within half an hour. Dad went with her.

Blood and urine tests were done.

At visiting time Mum told my Dad that he had better phone before visiting in the evening as she might not be there.

Doctor visited Mum between 5:45 and 6:15, had a long conversation with her and told her the results of the tests and the expected prognosis. Mum passed away peacefully at 6:45pm.

The results showed that she was in liver and kidney failure due to the cancer and the Doctor told me that it was a blessing as the cancer had spread to the long bones and it was only a matter of time before the marrow would be affected which would of caused a great deal of pain for Mum.

We were in the waiting area at the time Mum passed and so were only able to see her after she was gone. That was horrible as we had wanted to be with her. Two of the sisters had stayed with her and they told me that she was very peaceful and that she had simply not taken the next breath.

Needless to say we are all devastated, the reality of Mum going has now sunk in for Dad and it is so very sad to see him missing his partner of the last 60 years. They were in love till the end.

I have done all that I can do as far as arrangements and paperwork is concerned for now and my brothers have arrived from Joburg and PE and so I have taken this afternoon off to have some time with Jess and to grieve a little.

Service will be next Wednesday, a cremation with a simple service, all stipulated by Mum in some notes she left us.

Now I have to pack up our little home and move to be with Dad. Not looking forward to the packing I can tell you, but it will be all right once it is done and we are settled in our new home.

Love your family, you just never know how much time you have, and I can tell you now that it never feels that you had enough time.

Love always

xxxx

Feeling fragile

Good morning everyone,

Not such a great time for me at the moment, Mum is really down this week and has been in bed since Tuesday. She has no energy to do anything and this morning was really sick! So not like her and I don’t mind telling you I am scared witless!!!

She insists on “seeing how it goes” until Monday and then will call the doctor if she feels no better.

I am convinced it is the anti estrogen pills, Mum has all the side effects listed, anorexia, fatigue, joint pains etc. I am torn between being the grown-up and making choices for them or being the child and bowing to their wishes…..I am so scared!!

My beautiful girl was 15 on Monday and she is just amazing as always. We won’t be able to do the traditional supper with the grandparents for this birthday but she is only concerned with how Nana is and says we must not concern ourselves with the outing. I love this child so much.

Hope your worlds are better than mine at the moment.

Hope I have better news to blog next time.

Love always
xxxx

Morning all !!

Crikey I do wish this weather would sort it’s self out ! Not cold enough to kill the bugs and not warm enough to kill the bugs……everyone getting horrible colds and flu !

Only a couple of weeks away now until my little Jess is 15 !!! How is it possible for time to go by so fast. Of course there is now a debate on what she wants for her birthday. At the moment a camera is top of the list, “one with lenses Mum” not just a point and shoot. Will start the search later this week.

We have the meeting tonight for the subject choices for next year. Jess knows what subjects she wants so is very irritated that she has to go. I just hope that the subjects that she wants to do are in a package together, she is so very stubborn at the moment and very inflexible, so we could end up in a fight!! (Hope not in front of the teachers)

At the moment I feel like I want to run away, just want some time for me, not going to happen of course but may be able to have a morning or two off next week. Someone always needs me for something or another!

Seem to have just moaned in this post…sorry!

Have a good week everyone.

Love always xxxx